Sunday, November 21, 2010

Round 3 Comes to an End!

This morning was my last injection. I did really well this round, lost 22.6 pounds in just 21 days. But I'm more that ready for p3! Short rounds are good enough for me, but I might shoot for longer in Round 4 in the hopes of getting to Onderland by the Hubs birthday (March 7). My next round will start on New Years, and I'm excited to keep going down!

I can't believe the differences from the beginning of this journey til now! Will I even recognize myself when I reach goal weight? I've never seen myself at a healthy weight before. But now I have less than 100 pounds to go, which is fantastic! And I've lost almost 60 pounds since June. I'm so thrilled with the results! I am so thankful for the changes HCG has brought to my life, and while I may not mention it at the Thanksgiving table with my family, I will give thanks to my friends, especially Ame who made my HCG journey possible, and my husband, who's been unbelievably supportive during my weight loss. I'm also so thankful for my online HCG family, on facebook, on youtube and here on blogspot. Thanks for cheering me on, it's been hugely helpful!

What are you thankful for this year?

Saturday, November 20, 2010

HCG Bathroom Mishaps

Last night I went to see Harry Potter 7.1. I'm on the last few days of p2 so that means I couldn't eat anything during the 8pm movie, and because it's 2 1/2 hours long, I didn't want to drink anything during the movie. So I ate my dinner on the way to the theater, and I made sure I'd already drank my water for the day.

The Hubs and I were the first in line (I have a thing about this, I hate being late and ending up in the back of the line because then I spend the whole time worrying we'll end up sitting in the front row). I was wearing my I See Thestrals shirt that Ame of Starting Life 25 Years Late made me for a midnight book release party. We were waiting for my brother and his daughter and youngest son, and two women from my book club. I decided it would be a good idea to visit the bathroom before the line got crazy.

And that's when it happened.

There I was in the stall, trying to pull down my pants, only they wouldn't come off! I was confused, I was irritated, and my light urge to pee was morphing into critical stages. And I couldn't get my pants off!

But then I realized what the problem was. I had recently bought a few pairs of jeans that actually fit me. I'm so used to being able to just pull down my pants right down without having to unbutton or unzip them. I can't wear jeans at work, so this was the first time I was wearing my new jeans.

I'm sure I freaked out some fellow bathroom companions with my giggles of delight. It's been so long since I've worn pants that fit! Back when I was a tight size 24, I wore loose size 26 because I can't stand wearing tight jeans. And as the weight has gone down I've continued to do that, wearing a size too big.

Recently I shipped off some of my larger sizes to friends, and now I just have a few size 22's to wear to work, but I'm constantly having to hike them up. With the holidays coming up I didn't want to have to do that, so I bought pants in size 20 and size 18 (although the size 18, which I wore last night, fit like 20's). And they aren't tight- my belly's not squeezed out like a muffin, well, no more than usual since I still have lots of belly fat to lose- they fit perfectly. The one size 20's are actually starting to get a little loose on me.

I'm looking forward to more bathroom mishaps, thanks to HCG!

So long, Hcgers, luck to all of you losing on p2, luck to all of you maintaining on p3, best wishes for those of you permanently in p4, and to all you loaders out there (especially my besties Ame and Courtney!) have fun loading and eat some yum yums for me!

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Adieu to Fifty Pounds!

This morning was the morning. I woke up, stepped on the scale and there it was!

Or, rather, there it wasn't.

I'm am down officially 50 pounds from my very first vlcd on my very first round of hcg!!

I can't tell you how good this feels. And how good it'll feel 3 pounds from now when I'm down 50 pounds from my pre-hcg weight. Or in 4.1 pounds from now and I'm in my 230's with Onderland closer than it's been in years!

There have been tough times, tempting times, and frustrating times on this diet. But it's all worth it. To be able to face the scale each morning and watch it show my victories (and sometimes my defeats) and to own it is a powerful feeling. I no longer shy away from talking about my weight issues. I could never do that before. I felt extremely uncomfortable when the talk fell to diet and exercise, especially during those times I wasn't even making attempts to control the runaway train that was my weight gain.

I recently went to school to become a CNA and in one of the skills we had to learn how to properly use a scale. We went in groups of 4, because the practice room was small. I was the first on the scale. Although I was easily the biggest person in our group, I knew that number on the scale was smaller than it had been just a few months prior. And I knew that whatever weight I was that day was just a waiting point, until my next round. I didn't feel shame or anxiety or full on fear that I would have felt just 5 months ago. How's that for a changed attitude?

Don't get me wrong, I'm still not broadcasting my weight through a bull horn as I have the Hubs drive up and down the street, but I can be honest about it when asked. I can own it. That's the biggest secret to this diet, being able to confront my worst enemy- not the fat, but my own fears and insecurities. Not want to deal with the fat issue only made it worse. Now I'm on the right path to success and long term health.

It feels great!!

Monday, November 8, 2010

Chocolate Delight and Oopsie!

Okay, so TOM's still here, and he was making my hunger and cravings act up. So the day before yesterday I made up some tasty chocolate delight. I have never had chocolate delight on p2, only just recently tried it (with macadamia nuts!) this past p3. I normally stick to p2 restrictions with an almost religious fervor. However, I thought it better to "cheat" with something that was less likely to cause weight gain than, say, the white chocolate vanilla bean cheesecake dessert from TGIF's.

And it's been fine! Still losing, no gain, no stall. Which actually surprises me since I don't stop my injections on TOM (no point really, since his visits are crazy and irregular when I'm on hcg). And I also tried out a recipe that I saw on Mumzeeee's youtube vlog. It's a recipe for a p2 friendly chocolate souffle, although it's not for the hcg purists out there. I don't blame you, I think it's super important to stick to protocol, especially the very first round. However, if it keeps me from driving my car through the front of Dunkin' Donuts and shoveling Boston Cremes and glazed goodies into my mouth like some nutty version of Hungry, Hungry, Hippo, then bring on the hcg creativity!

I think the most important thing to do is to go with what works for you. If you're not losing like you should, than maybe experimenting with the diet isn't the right choice for you. Just because it works for one person does not mean it'll work for you, and keep in mind it may cause a set back. I've been fortunate this round, I've added oranges (which I adore!) and a bit of chocolate delight without any negative results. But I'm keeping an eye on things in case it causes a stall (or worse, a gain! The horrors!).

I'm already on day 8 of my short round, so I'm almost to the halfway point!! I'm happy to lose the weight, more than happy, but I'm also ready for Thanksgiving goodness. I'm not going to go crazy with the eating, for me Thanksgiving isn't about over-eating, I rarely eat much in front of family. I'm not going to be super strict with starches and sugars though, I'll just keep my portions small and if it leads to a steak day, than so be it! Mash potatoes and yummy pie will be worth it. I'm also planning on exercising that morning, and I'll skip the noshing of food and drink when we go to the movies later that day.

I do plan on making some yummy Oopsie bread for turkey and ham leftovers. Oopsie bread has been my p3 savior, as I really miss eating sandwiches and burgers during the no starch zone that is p3. And Oopsie bread tastes good! I actually really miss it right now. :( I'll see ya soon, Oospie bread!

Anyone have a favorite p3 trick?

Wednesday, November 3, 2010


So it's day three of VLCD and this is my 3 round. So far I've lost 5.4 pounds, which is all my loading weight and then some. I'll be happy when I'm in my 240's though! It'll nice to say goodbye to my 250's forever!

This round is going okay for me. I've upped the vitamin/supplements I'm taking. I slacked off on them during my second round, which makes me wonder if that's why I'm having some hair loss. I looked on some boards and a lot of people seem to be blaming the hcg for the hair loss. If that's true though it's a wonder there aren't a bunch of bald pregnant women out there! I personally believe it's the low calorie diet and sudden weight loss.

To be honest, I'd rather be at a healthy body weight than have a full head of hair. But it still sucks watching all the strands come off my brush. Ugh. Still, the Hubs promised lots of cool wigs if I need them, so that's one small, teeny tiny, positive aspect. I really want a pink wig like the one Scarlett Johansson wore in Lost in Translation:

At the moment I'm taking Biotin, Pre-natal vitamins and B-12 complex. Plus potassium, but that's for leg cramps which I'm prone to even when I'm not on hcg. My plan is to continue with all the supplements though p3 and p4, which I've failed to do in the past. Here's hoping the hair loss decreases! I can deal with having less than thick hair, but I'd hate to have to deal with bald patched. *sigh*

I'm feeling really positive about being back on hcg, despite the hair loss thing. It helps that I know it'll be a short round and I'm really looking forward to being in my 230's because then Onderland won't seem so far away! Already fitting into smaller sizes is boosting my ego. I had to buy a few 20 size pants because my 22's were just falling off! That's right, pants I couldn't fit into until I started hcg are now too big! Of course, the size 20's are tight, but I'm sure they won't stay that way for long. Anytime I think of being a size 18 or 16 again makes me giggle. To get smaller than that will be amazing!

So, how's it going for all of you out there? Any tips or advice on the hair thing? Love and support to all of you hcg "losers"!

Friday, October 29, 2010

Halloween Loading!

Like a truly good horror movie serial killer, I'm baaaack!

So what's been happening? Not much. I was busy this last p3 and p4- I finished my 6 weeks of CNA school, and now I have the state boards to look forward to (or not!). And if there is ever a good reason to loose weight, it was seeing the sadness of the nursing homes, and how difficult it is to give care to a severely overweight patient. I don't want to be the resident that has to have two people roll her over to wipe her bottom, or who needs a hoyer lift to get out of bed and into a wheelchair every few days. And I for sure don't want to be covered in painful bed sores!

So, did I do good in p3 and p4? Eh, not really. Round 2 was great for weight loss, but I struggled with hunger, so I might have gone a bit overboard in p3. I introduced foods way too fast back into my diet (why, hello starches!), and between school and work I wasn't getting much exercise. I realize now that the reason I could eat like I did at the beach was because I was getting so much exercise. Sitting on my butt studying was not as conducive to calorie burning as swimming in the ocean. Go figure. :)

It took me longer to stabilize in p3, but I finally did. However, it wasn't within my 2 pound range. I ended round 2 at 247.6 but I stabilized around 255. Today I weighed in at 253.4, so I've managed to stay within 2 pounds of the 255, but I hate that the first 10 pounds or so that I lose on round 3 will be weight I had already said buh-bye too.

But I am not letting that get me down! I am not going to punish myself for messing up, I was busy and eating on protocol all the time wasn't always doable. And I'll admit, there was some emotional eating going on. That is behind me now. Today is a new day, a new round, and a new attitude! I'm so much happier now then before I started HCG, but I know my happiness and health can only get better!

I'm planning on doing a short round, and loading today and tomorrow. But since I have a busy day tomorrow I might extend my loading to 3 days. We'll see. I just want to make sure I feel completely ready. Not going to worry about it. I do plan on having a great weekend with all my Halloween plans, and the Hubs is in full support of my crazy agenda. I'm making him dress up as a zombie, and then go to a midnight showing of Rocky Horror Picture Show. Plus today we're gonna run around and go to the Hollywood Cemetery and Edgar Allan Poe Museum. Isn't he the best?!

Before I leave you to stuff my face, I want to bring to your attention the recent brouhaha over at Marie Claire. They published an opinion piece by blogger Maura Kelly that basically bashed fat people, and how the thought of fat people making out, or doing anything, sickens her. Ms. Kelly is a former anorexic and I think her article shows a lot self loathing. But in this day and age when you have gay and bullied kids taking their own lives at alarming rates, is this really a good time to publish an opinion piece on how fat people are disgusting and shouldn't be seen on tv?

Ms. Kelly was responding to the new show Mike and Molly, about a couple who meet in Overeaters Anonymous- a show she's never even seen but that she accuses of promoting obesity. Now, I've never seen this show either, and I believe Maura Kelly has the right to her opinion, ignorant as it is. It's sadly a few held by others as well, but most people are a little more tactful to keep those thoughts to themselves. I just find it sad that someone who battled her own eating disorders is so quick to condemn others with food issues. Marie Claire won't lose me as a reader, because I don't read it now, and I'm not calling for a Marie Claire ban. I just want people to really think before they put something out there in the blogosphere. Words do hurt, they do cause unseen damage. I just hope that today's teens, already faced with unrealistic and dangerous body image expectations, don't read Maura Kelly's words.

Okay, I'm off my soap box. Happy loading, happy weight loss, happy maintaining to all! And Happy Halloween!

Sunday, September 5, 2010

I'm a Rockstar!

After losing nothing yesterday, I woke to a 1.4 release this morning! Thank you, HCG Gods!

For this round I'm down 25. 4 pounds, so I've met the Rockstar Challenge to lose 25 pounds. I'm hoping to lose even more, but I might be cutting this round short.

For over two weeks now I've been dealing with hunger. The stomach growling kind of hunger. The great releases I've had have kept me from cheating, but it's made me miserable at times. So I tried upping my dosage from 150iu to 175iu but after four days and a brand new batch of hcg, the hunger was just as bad. So yesterday I dropped down to 125iu. I still have hunger, but I'm going to give it a few days before I monkey with the dosage again, give my body time to adjust.

The hunger is the reason I'm thinking of cutting this round short, although I'm loathe to end the weight release party I've been having. But starting Monday, September 13th I'm going to CNA school. It's a six week course, five days a week, and I just don't think I can do the first week or two if I have hunger. I'm 33 and it's been a looooong time since I went to school. Plus it's a subject I never saw myself studying, I was drawn to English and History. Math and Science and the thought of being a nurse or a nurse's assistant never once crossed my mind. But I enjoy my work as a home health care companion, so I'm willing to give it my all.

I think in order to give my brain the best chance at absorbing all the new info, I need to make sure it's fed properly. So if I can't get my hunger under control I'll start P3 on the 13th. But we shall see. I hate ending this round, but my classes will be from 9am to 2:30pm every day, and I really want to do well. Because the course is expensive and I can't afford not to put every effort towards it. And did I mention I'm super nervous? I know a lot of the stuff I do as a home health care companion are similar to CNA duties, but I'm just freaking out about going back to school. Because that's what I do. lol

Off to go shopping with the Hubs. I'm planning on hitting the Halloween store because the Halloween festivities start early in my home! Lots of love, encouragement and wishes for happy releases to all!

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Highs and Lows

Still a loooong way to go, but I'm getting there!

I'm currently on VLCD 16 of R2P2 and I'm down a total of 22.6 pounds, which is awesome! But for over a week now I've had hunger. At first I attributed it to TOM, but he's been gone for several days now and if anything my hunger has gotten worse. So I'm upping my dosage. I currently inject 150iu every morning, but I'm going up to 175iu. I've held out as long as I can, but I'm worried my hunger will lead to a cheat.

And I don't want to cheat! Not this close to finally being in 240's.

In other news- I've blogged and vlogged about how I wish I'd paid more attention to my weight over the years. I purposely wouldn't write it down in any of the food diaries (how's that for striving for success?) instead I would just write down how much I was up or down. I don't know why I was so afraid to let people know my weight, but I was. Well, today I found yet another old food and exercise diary. Flipping through it I assumed I hadn't even bothered to use it, but I found exactly one week of 2008 filled out. And I'd actually put down my weight!

The reason I'm shocked is because it's a higher number than I ever remember being. I thought at one point I had been in my 300's, but wasn't sure. Well according to my food diary I was a whooping 317!

When I started the HCG Protocol in June of this year I was 291, and gained 3 pounds loading. So in 2 years time, on my own, I only managed to lose 26 pounds. A large part of that I'm sure is that I switched careers and was no longer eating out constantly. And I've been known to occasionally exercise, very occasionally. With the help of the protocol and my awesome Hubs and friends (Ame this means you!) I've already lost 43 pounds. Since June!

Shocked and awed? I am.

Happy releases, happy maintaining and happy loading to all depending on you phase!

Thursday, August 19, 2010

30 Pounds Released!!

I started my HCG journey on June 6th of this year. My first round was a short one, only 23 days, but I lost a little over 23 pounds. I stabilized in P3 and only had to do a steak day once, and then I even lost a couple pounds in P4 despite my crazy 3 week beach vacation food eating habits. But today whilst plugging in my stats I realized that I've lost 30 pounds on HCG! If you can tell, I'm thrilled!

I still have over a 100 pounds to go, the journey is far from over. But I finally feel I'm getting somewhere! I've lost enough weight now that I can see and not just feel the results. I think by the time I'm done with this second round the physical results will be easy to see- at least I hope! Not that it matters, because I already feel like a brand new me!

I can't sing the praises of Hcg enough! I can't stop using exclamations! lol It's hard for me not to tell everyone in the world about this diet, but I'll wait until people start asking me how I'm losing (releasing!) the weight.

The thing to remember about the protocol is that even though it's hard at times the results are worth it as long as you stay true to Pounds & Inches. Yesterday was Day 3 of VLCD and I had some hunger but I avoided cheating and woke up this morning to a 2.6 loss! Do I think this diet is for everyone? No, it's not some miracle cure for fat loss. But I do think this protocol will have miraculous results for everyone that's ready to put in the work to release their fat!

Okay, I better end this blog before I end up sounding like a infomercial sell out. I have 300 some odd pages still left to read in The Passage for book club this evening. It's a great book, but very long! Happy releasing to all of you!

Monday, August 16, 2010

Here We Go Again! Round 2, baby!

This is pretty much how my loading days went!

Despite the fact that I feel like hurling after my 2 day food fest, otherwise known as loading days, I'm excited to start my first VLCD of Round 2. Actually, I'm mostly excited that I don't have to force another morsel into my overstuffed body. I was stuffing in food until 1am this morning, and I have the acid reflux and overall bloated feeling to prove it.

I loaded well, I really did. I ate almost constantly and mostly stuck to fats (although I love me some carbs and starches so they had to come to the party too). I was a bit weirded out to have only gained .6 after the first day but I realize that it was probably because my body had stabilized so well. When I kept gorging the second day my body realized that it was time to pack on the pounds. Overall I'm up 4 pounds, which is good. I know, it's strange to be happy about a gain, but I'm hoping it means I feel better this round than last round.

So what did I eat? I ate pork rinds, cheese, macadamia nuts, ice cream- lots of ice cream, loaded potato skins, a slice of unbelievably good white chocolate cheese cake from TGIF, maple bacon, mini quiches- a lot of them, burger and hotdog and fries from Five Guys, and some cheese cracker thingys from Pepperidge Farms. I ate a lot. I gorged. I feel like crap, but some of it was actually fun to eat- some of it felt like a chore to chow down on. Other than the ice cream and cheesecake I stayed away from sugars, and I've kept my self imposed ban on soda. I still miss Coke from time to time, but it's more like the way I occasionally wonder what old friends are up to - you know, the ones I can't track down on Facebook.

For those of you not friends of mine on Facebook, my HCG account name is Kathleen Hcg. The reason I mention this is because I've mentioned that I've joined a Facebook Hcg Challenge. Truth is, I've joined two. BaldFatMan Hcgfixesthat started a group to get a bunch of people doing a round at the same time, and then there's the 25 Pound Rockstar Challenge hosted by three lovely hcg ladies. Mostly I'm doing the Rockstar challenge because most people doing that loaded this weekend. Normally weekends suck for me since I work so much on Saturdays, but I was still on vacation this weekend so other than a few hours last night, I didn't have to work at all. Now if you're close to starting a round, there's still time to join either or both groups- there are some people starting a week late in Rockstars and I know there's several Labor Day Weekend loaders out there as well.

The more support you have in your Hcg journey the better chance of your success. I know I am blessed to have a wonderfully supportive (and super sexy) husband to help me out. I have great friends like Ame, who is my Hcg hero, and now our friend Courtney to cheer me on. Ame has worn down Courtney's resistance and the two of them will be starting a round in November. I could not be happier! It'll be awesome when our Terrific Trio are all thin together! And now I get to start my Round 2 with lots of Facebook friends releasing along with me. And even those not currently doing P2 are cheering us along. I had such a good first round that I admit, round 2 has me a little nervous. 23 days seemed to go pretty quickly, 40 days (actually 46 with the skip days counted) might not fly by so fast. But I'm hoping to be in my 240's by the end of it! Okay, actually I'm secretly hoping to be 239 at the end, but let's keep that a secret.

If you're not already my friend on Facebook feel free to add me! If you're on the Hcg journey but don't have an Hcg facebook account then you need to start one! You don't have to have a separate account, but a lot of us prefer to keep our Hcg family separate from our non-Hcg family. It's all about finding support and people who are going through the process with us. I love my Hcg family. Now off to drink some black coffee- oh, milk, I will miss you most of all- and my morning dose of Hcg!

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

HCG and Vacation

Sorry, long time no post but not a whole lot going on HCG wise. I did my 3 weeks of P3 pretty successfully, only had to do one steak day when I went .2 over my 2 pound limit. It went much easier than I had planned and I've had no problems adding starches and sugars to my diet.

Well, correction, I've had almost no problems. Alcohol seems to lead to weight gain, but now that I'm in extended P3, or P4 if you want to call it that, I've actually been losing. Despite being on vacation! I'm in the middle of my 3 week beach vacation. I've been eating all sorts of my favorite foods- pizza, burgers and wonderful french fries! There have been some changes though- I'm careful with my calorie intake and I'm still drinking tons of water. I've kept up my ban on soda, because I refuse to waste calories on drinks.

Being at the beach has had some unforeseen advantages- I do a lot of walking because there's lots of places close by, and sometimes just for fun. Hanging out in the ocean all day, dodging waves and swimming have definitely helped with any of the carbs I've ingested the past week and a half.

I don't know if I'm "cured" of my food addictions- I still think of food, but nowhere near as much as I did pre-HCG. I really think upping my water intake has helped a lot. I realize now that I just wasn't getting enough water in P2. I was only drinking between 2-3 liters, 4 only on a really, really good day. But I'm a bigger girl, and I should be drinking half my body weight in ounces. So now I drink at least 4 liters a day, although I try to aim for 6. I really think this has made a huge impact on my appetite. My LDW was 271.4 and I've been in the high 260's for several days now. Seeing that scale in the 260's really perked me up!

I'll be starting my second round of HCG Aug 15th. I'm doing that BaldFatMan Challenge, mostly because I love the idea of really doing phase 2 with other people. The challenge will help keep me motivated and help keep me honest and cheat free. I only did a 23 day round last time, and I'm aiming for 40 days this time so I need all the encouragement and support I can get! I didn't cheat once last round, but the 23 days seemed to go by pretty quickly. Not so sure those 40 some days will fly by (especially since I'll be skipping a dose per week so it's more like 47 days *shiver*). But I can do this!



I also planning on doing more vlogging and blogging. And I'm gonna eat a lot more chicken! I ate a lot more beef then I had originally planned to eat last time, and I used cottage cheese as a crutch anytime I was too lazy to prepare. I am so ready to be below 250, and then below 200... that still seems like a dream, but I no longer think it's an unattainable goal. It's totally attainable! Next summer at the beach is going to rock!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

What do you love about HCG?

You know what I really love about the HCG protocol? It's not the obvious weight loss, or the way it's reshaping my body.... Okay, I love it for those reasons too. But at the moment, a week into P3, that I love how this diet has made me feel about food! I swear, before I started HCG, I thought about food all the time. I planned, I dreamed, I schemed. What was I going to eat next? It was a sick obsession.

It didn't happen right away. The first couple of weeks on P2 I still thought about food- but mostly what I was going to eat on my next loading days. I was worried about P3, if I'd be able to stay away from the carbs and sugars that have so often been my go to foods. But something happened that changed me. I started really seeing the results on the scale. My clothes started fitting better. I haven't lost a lot of weight yet, but I've loss enough to realize that I don't want to ever gain it back.

The hold food had on me is loosening. Oh, I still really want fries and other food baddies, but I don't think about it constantly like I used to. I read a book recently about this woman who lost 200 pounds in two years doing the Weight Watchers diet. In the opening of the book she talked about how every day revolved around what food she wanted to eat- including vacations and family nights. About how she would order so much food from a drive thru that she always ordered a second drink to make it appear as if she were buying for two people instead of just herself. I'm ashamed to admit that I've done that too. I let food become my driving force, my reason some days for just leaving the house.

In a way food became both my prison and my biggest comfort.

My weight loss journey is still in it's baby steps. But I'm no longer willing to put food before myself , my family, or my friends. I want to be able to go out in the world and not feel like everyone's staring at my fat ass. I know it'll take a long time before I feel confident, before I feel like I look "normal". What makes this time different is that I have HCG in my life. It's helping me to be honest about my awful past food habits, and it's reshaping the way I think about what foods I put into my body. I never thought that would happen.

I confess, part of me was scared to go on the protocol. Part of me wasn't ready to give up the foods I so love and loathe. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to stick to the protocol. I have spent most of my life poisoning myself willingly and on some level I have always known that. It wasn't enough to get me to stop. But HCG is enough, and the results I've had so far is enough, and finally my life is worth enough to stop. I can't believe that I care so little about the taste of food when it used to mean so much!

Thank you HCG, thank you Ame, thank you HCG community, thank you Aaron. Thank you God. I feel a real change happening in my life, and I am so very grateful. I know with all of you out there cheering me on I can continue moving forward. And even if your voices quieted, I know that I have enough willpower to carry me to the finish line.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Sunburn and Scale Gods

I've been lucky to be steadily losing, but the past few days I was stuck at 275 point something. I know it was TOM, but boy was it frustrating! Yesterday the Hubs and I went swimming, because it's been unholy hot here in VA, and of course I got a sunburn. And sunburns being sunburns, I didn't know right away, but ended up taking a long nap yesterday. Woke up in the evening, noticed the burn and started worrying. The Hubs was quick to point that sunburns can make you retain water. My goal of hitting 274 seemed out of reach.

But the scale gods were kind this morning and I woke to a pound loss! I only have a few more days to get to 269, not sure I can do it, but I'm hopeful. TOM appears to be leaving the party, so I'm hoping the fat will leave with him. I only have a few more days of injections and then onto p3! Next round I'll go for the 43 days, but I know I'm making the right decision. It would be too hard to be on a strict diet during my entire 3 week vacation, and I'm not quite ready to share my diet with my family. It's going to take another round at least before my losses are dramatic enough to really show. But I'm going to get there. I still can't believe all that I've lost so far!

HCG is changing my life. My friend Ame, by introducing me to HCG and continuously answering my most inane and annoying questions, is changing my life. She, by the way, should be made the poster girl for HCG. I half joked that when she reached her goal weight we'll have her burst through a life sized photo of her previous self and post the video to youtube. But I'm thinking we'll figure out a way to do that for real. How empowering would that be?

The beautiful thing about HCG is that, if done properly, it works for everyone. Whether you have 20 pounds or 200 pounds to lose, it's going to work if you put in the effort. Follow protocol, stabilize (my next hurdle!) and live healthier, lather, rinse, repeat. I used to be one of those people that would kind of roll my eyes when people complained about their weight if they had less than 20 pounds to lose. I would have gladly traded places with them! But I know that often the less you have to lose the harder it is. Right now I'm averaging a 1.1o loss a day, but that might change the closer I get to my goal (still a long way off, folks). I will get there, I will continue and work hard on my end, and let the HCG do it's job. That's how I've managed not to cheat, knowing that if I just hang in there and resist temptation I'll be rewarded on the scale.

And in a strange way, Facebook and this blog keeps me honest. Knowing I have to post my weight firms up my willpower not to cheat. I have NEVER told anyone what I way, not willingly. One of the best things about getting my VA driver's license was not having to lie about my weight for once. I avoided weighing myself for so long that I honestly hadn't realized how big I'd gotten, and I've purposely avoided the scale most my life. If I don't know my weight than I can pretend. I self-delusionalized myself into obesity. But it's a new day and I'm taking control!

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Going Out, But Not Eating Out

Today had me worried. I work as a home health care companions, but a few Saturdays a month I spend the afternoon with a young lady with childhood dementia. We have a lot of fun, we go to movies, have lunch, and shop. But on p2 there aren't any restaurants that have any food I can eat. So I've been dreading today all week long.

I knew that I had to eat something while I was with her- my shift was from 10am to 5pm. So I packed some chicken, apple and tomatoes and put them in a cooler with cold pack and hoped for the best. She'd already eaten breakfast by the time I got there, so after we got her all ready we headed out to the movies. There was a few minutes of panic when I was afraid I'd have to take her into the city to Mexican Restaurant to meet up with a potential new caregiver, but lucky me that plan fell through. So instead I got to take her to Toy Story 3 3D. I spent $4 on a 1 liter bottle of water, and chugged it merrily through the movie. Then it was time for lunch.

My client loves Arby's and Panera. I love Panera too, so we went to Arby's- why torture myself? I stuck my chicken in my purse and in to Arby's we went. Ordered yet another bottle of water and discreetly as possible I took the chicken out of my purse, which was thankfully still cool as today has been pretty hot. It wasn't the most flavorful piece of chicken, so I added a teeny tiny bit of hot sauce. Success!

We still had a couple of hours to kill, and the only festival in town was a wine one. So I took her to Buffalo Wild Wings to watch soccer. I ordered her an sweet tea and the least appetizing (for me) dessert- Apple Pie. Dang, did it look good! But I drank my water and sipped a couple small cups of coffee. Success!

The past two days have been easier. I still get mad cravings at time, but if I can avoid physically handling the yummy food I want, I do so much better. For all of you out there with kids and hubbies that demand the treats you deny yourself, my hat is off to you! And to my friend Ame, who manages to work at Panera without mainlining the potato soup. :) My Hubs, Aaron, has been fairly awesome about eating around me- other than the heavenly smelling turkey he made (which normally I don't care for much) and the whole milk he needs to get his calories in after he works out. Oh, to have his metabolism!

Since I'm only doing 23 days this first round, I am half way done already! I've lost a little over 16 pounds and would love to take off another 10 by the end. I want to me in the 260's by vacation!! I think I can get there, even if it takes through p3.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

French Fry Day Dreams...

Of all the food I miss, french fries and pizza are topping the list. I don't have much hunger (except now that TOM is hanging around) and I'm sticking to protocol like a barnacle. But I've worked all week long fixing food for my Home Health Care Companion client and I've had to deal with massive temptation. Only the thought of facing the scales in the morning have kept me on track. But those tempting morsels of food are going on my list...

My loading list. I know that in p4 you get to introduce starches and sugar back into your diet (hello, potatoes, my old friend!) but I honestly can't wait until my next loading days. I'm keeping a list of all the food that is tormenting me now in P2, and will continue to tease and taunt me in P3. I honestly wish I had planned my first loading days better, but I was eager to start the diet. Ah, the impatience of youth... or myself 12 days ago.

I'm keeping the faith and I plan on keeping it. Despite the temptation, I so far have resisted the urge to follow pizza delivery cars around, which I think is commendable. Thinking about food is just another hurdle I have to overcome. I know it's not normal for Pizza Hut drivers to take out restraining orders on ordinary folks. I'll be thankful next week when my schedule gets back to normal and I don't have to deal with quite as many food obstacles. :)

P3 will be here before I know it, I'm already almost half way there! And I know I just wrote a post describing all the many temptations I've been facing, but 90% of the time I'm good. It's just that the french fries were so hot and perfect looking... *sigh* Time for dinner, which I promise will be completely P2 compliant!

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Pounds and Inches Lost!

Yesterday was a great day! I felt better, less hunger, less cravings and more energy. Yesterday was my 4th day of VLCD and on any other diet this would probably be the day I cheat just a bit. And I had the opportunity when I took a grocery trip to Wally World, all my usual cheats were there, waiting to re-connect with me. But I avoided eye contact, ashamed and completely over our secretive and clandestine past relations. Well, mostly over. I still think about them now and then.

I also bought some b-12 which I've been told helps with energy. I should have gotten it earlier in the week when I really needed it because my energy seems to be returning now. I feel so much better than I thought I would! Thursday was a low point for me, I was exhausted and I had worked all day surrounded by temptation, and crashed when I got home. Waking up to a loss helped me feel better about the day, and I vowed to myself to stop being such a cry baby. Isn't it better to give up my favorite junk foods through my own choice instead of waiting for diabetes or something worse to force me to change my ways?

Today is Saturday and I woke up to 2.4 loss, which had me smiling! The Hubs helped me measure my first load day, so we measured again and I'm down 7.5 inches total. I'm down almost 10 pounds since Tuesday! And I've been making the Hubs give me shots, but today I did it myself. I don't have a fear of needles but it is seriously weird to inject myself. But I'm betting my simple, painless injection in my fat ass thigh is a lot easier than shooting up meth, which was beginning to look mighty tempting as a weight loss method. Well, except for the cost, addiction, illegality, craziness, jerky movements and tooth loss...

I think I might try to vlog today too. I just feel so much better, I was really beginning to think I might not be able to do this, but I'm over that bump. I'm so happy, and I really feel healthier. I'm not drinking soda, not eating crap which means I'm not getting the acid reflux I had on my loading days. I think the miracle of HCG is that it gets you to eat healthy by giving you quick results. Would it have been as easy without HCG? Eating healthy for five days I might have lost a pound or two, which in the past hasn't been enough incentive to stay away from the crappy foods I love. I know I have a long, long way to go. But I really believe I can make it there, with the support of my husband, my friends, all of you, and HCG, I'm really on my way to a thinner, healthier me!

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

First Release!

My first release was great!! I was really worried since my TOM has been hanging around that I wouldn't lose anything, or that the loss would be small. But I lost over 4 pds, and those are pounds I have no intention of trying to find!

Yesterday was rough. It wasn't that I was hungry so much, but I felt kind of empty. I'm attributing this to the fact that my tummy got all stretched out during the load and will take a few days to shrink. It was actually hard to eat all the food on protocol- but would it have been as hard if it were food I really loved? I did pretty well during the morning and afternoon. The evening was difficult because I'm a caregiver to wonderful older lady, and her family always tries to feed me.

However, despite the temptation, I said no thank you to the white chocolate macadamia nut cookie they tried to shove down my throat. I said no! However, her family is Italian, and they talk about food. A lot. And did you ever realize how many commercials on tv are about food? A ridiculous amount!

But I knew that if I held it together and just made it to morning, it would be worth it. Not that I one hundred percent believed myself, but I've deceived myself over far worse issues. I'm glad I resisted temptation. I'm glad I drank all that water, I'm even thinking about buying stock in Cottonelle. I'm glad I didn't self sabotage myself. And most of all I'm glad to have people, and a community, to be accountable to. Thanks for keeping me going!

Monday, June 7, 2010

Five Guys and Load Day 2

Yesterday was my first load day on my very first round of HCG. It didn't go as well as I had hoped because I had to work and attend my niece's birthday party (she turned one!). I got off work at 9:30am and made it home 15 minutes later. I did my first weigh in and measurements (with the help of my wonderful Hubs!). He had made bacon, so I was able to eat some while he got my first injection ready. Then he injected the HCG (after a few minutes so it wouldn't be too cold, lol) into my bum. It took him a few tries because I think he was afraid of hitting a nerve- today was much better, he just went for it.

From that point on things got hectic. My brother Mike called and asked if we could take a few of his kids in our car to my niece Fiona's birthday party. We still had to get her present, so that meant leaving a lot earlier than we had planned on. And it was freaking hot yesterday! I tossed down some mini quiche while getting ready for the party and made sure I drank a lot of water.

We got to the party which was outdoors at a park a little after 1pm. The food wasn't all that great though. Hamburgers and hotdogs, but they weren't particularly tasty. Plus I have trouble eating when it's hot outside. I had a great time hanging with the family, but I really didn't eat much and only had a few bits of the birthday cake. I would have much preferred the party be at Chuck E Cheese or something, but it was fun.

By the time we dropped of my niece Sam at home (after a brief panic because my brother Mike thought one of his son's was with us, but it turned out Devin was just down by the lake), and made it to our home it was almost 5pm. I had just over half an hour to gorge before work. I made the mistake of eating 2 slices of cheesecake and downing to very large glasses of whole organic milk. I felt horrible! I was already over tired, over heated and not feeling great. Still, it was lots of fat and calories.

On the way to work it began to storm, which made me feel better, but it took several hours before I felt like eating again. At work I ate macadamia nuts and a couple slices of Papa John's pizza that we had left over from the other day. And drank lots and lots of water! The Hubs had brownies waiting for me when I got home, and I drank another glass of milk. Despite being tired I had a little trouble falling asleep.

I have poly-cystic ovarian syndrome. Despite the fact I'm on the pill, my TOM can come and go at will. It's much better than it used to be, last year TOM would stay the better part of the month, and sometimes he was quite... enthusiastic in his duties. The thing is I don't always truly ovulate during TOM's visit. Yesterday TOM made an appearance. I was freaking out about it, because it's hard to predict how TOM's visit is going to go, but I've made peace with it. I will take a break if TOM is heavy, but otherwise I'm going to ignore him. I'm really hoping that my first round weight loss will help resolve some of my TOM issues, as a 10% weight loss can help with PcOS. It does explain why I was such a wench yesterday afternoon (I thought it was just the heat!).

Anyways, things are calmer today. I'm not working tonight, so I can take the time to slowly load all day. I had a weight gain this morning of 2.5, which is good, but I know I can do better! And I'm totally having Five Guys for dinner.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Can It Be, HCG?

I ordered my HCG last Wednesday. Today is Friday, but guess what? My HCG arrived this afternoon despite my mailman's reluctance to climb stairs. I swear, I only suggested to Ame that she drive to New York and "persuade" the Customs Agent... Thanks, Ames! ;)

I can't wait to start!!! However I work all day tomorrow including overnight. So I'm starting Sunday, which is good and bad, because I won't get off work until 9:30 am and I have my niece Fiona Kathleen's first birthday party to go to at one (guess who won't be saying no to birthday cake? I might even end up face planting into it before baby Fi can!), and then work again at 6pm to 10pm- but I'll find a way to stuff my face. I also work Monday night the same time, but that leaves me plenty of time to snack, gnaw, gorge and indulge.

I went shopping for some of my gorge food- Bacon, Baked Potatoes (lots of butta and cheese, please!), Cheesecake Sampler, Mini Quiches, Brie (which I'll bake in puff pastry), Kielbasa, Honey BBQ Wings, Organic Whole Milk, Macadamia Nuts, Eggs, Brownie Mix, Philly Cheese Steak kit (my all time fave and I normally despise meal kits), and frito's and bean dip. And if that's not enough I will make a Five Guys run, they have sinfully good hamburgers and fries in the VA, D.C. and Maryland areas and they are to die for... possibly literally. I just hope I don't have a heart attack before I get a chance to start my diet! I'll take a pic before I go to town on my fridge, as Ame says people like to look at everyone's load goodies.

I'm quite sure I'm gonna gain 10 pounds, but I'm not letting that stop me! Proper loading will pay off in the end (and not just my rear end!) so I'm not going to worry about it!

I cleaned out our fridge earlier today, but it was all stuff I wasn't going to load with but that I didn't want around on my diet days. Poor Hubs is going to have to be the one sneaking food now! Not that I buy and hide food... Look over there, I think that's Elvis!

Oh, it wasn't Elvis? My bad. Let's move on!

I made my first vlog today. Click here if you want to see it. I've never made a video before and I really should have made a script or made notes... or made sense. But I was able to add text, so that made me happy- thank you Windows 7 movie maker!

Did I mention how excited I am to finally start HCG? Because I am super excited! I can't wait to post my weight loss on facebook and stop being so jealous of ya'll! Okay, it's late and I need to get ready for a long day tomorrow. Thanks for stopping by~!

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Customs and Containers

Yay! My HCG is currently chilling with Customs in New York City and then it'll be on it's way to me! Hello, Gorge Days, can't wait to meet ya!

I've been lucky to be meeting a lot of awesome HCGers on Facebook and along with my friend HCG Ame, I've been able to see a lot of before and after pics. I can't think of any more reason to give the HCG Diet a chance than seeing people completely transform through this process. It's just so inspiring, and it makes me thankful to be given the chance to do this. I don't know if I can do a post without thanking my friend Ame for being my weight loss fairy godmother- Thank you!!

So, still gearing up for Round 1. Just thought I'd share a little thing I'll be doing during P2 (skipping P1 and the whole cleansing thing since it's not in Pounds and Inches). I live in Virginia which is not a state that has requirements on needle disposal, but the Hubs picked up a BD Home Sharps Container. I think you can get it at Walmart, but the pic I'm posting is off Amazon. In Walmart the Hubs found it in the diabetic section. If you're doing the injections at home, you might want to check if there's needle disposal laws in your state. God knows the needle junkies here in Richmond are already too thin, I'm not sharing my HCG!

Things I'm Looking Forward To:

  • Posting my first HCG release results
  • Posting After pictures
  • Making my first HCG vlog

Thursday, May 27, 2010

HCG and Me

My name is Kathleen, although I also go by Kate or Katie. I recently turned 33 and I'm about to embark on the HCG diet thanks in large part to my good friend Ame who has been amazingly successful on the diet and was kind enough to share her secrets. I also plan on doing a little vlogging, but I'm not sure if I'll choose to share that or if I'll keep it for just me. Plus I'm having trouble capturing sound so I may have to go out an buy a mic.

I've known about the HCG diet for about a year, but it didn't sound like an option for me. All I knew about it was that it was crazy expensive and my insurance doesn't cover it. Which is silly, not many insurance companies cover weight loss treatments, yet being obese puts me at risk for so many other expensive diseases and conditions that they do cover. Makes no sense.

When I first found out that my friend was doing the HCG diet on her own I won't lie and say I wasn't freaked out. But I didn't know then what I know now- that the HCG community is thriving, that there is such a huge support system in place and that it really, really works! My friend has lost over 80 pounds- the size of an Olsen twin. And she's done it with the help of HCG and her own amazing willpower. I am in awe, and hopefully with her support and the support of my hubs, Aaron, I'll be able to radically change my life.

I have a lot to lose, at least weight wise. But I have so much more to gain. I know that this blog is called Kathlean Again, but truth is I have never been lean. I was chubby as a kid, fat as a teen, and obese as an adult. I usually go to great lengths to hide this fact from my online friends (see my profile pic as evidence to what a good angle can do for my face). I want to know what it feels like to not be obsessed with food and to finally be "normal" size. The less of me there is the more I'm gonna do!

HCG sounds like a miracle, and it is, but it's also a lot of hard work. It's very strict but I think I'm in a place where I can commit to it. I think seeing the pounds come off is going to be a huge motivator. The Hubs has been amazing, helping me research how the HCG diet works, and Ame has been both inspirational and supportive.

Something you should know about the Hubs- he's like Jack Sprat. Remember that poem? Yeah, the man has trouble maintaining weight, whereas I can gain weight just thinking about food, which I do so much more than the average person. Fortunately, he has never imprisoned me inside a pumpkin shell. He loves me at any size, which is something I'm grateful for every day.

I have many, many pounds to shed- my goal weight loss is close to 150. That's a lot, and I debated about confessing how much I need to lose on here. But I think secrecy and not talking about my weight is part of the reason I'm fat. By talking about it I can't hide or deny it anymore, especially from myself.

Things To Look Forward To: This is a place in each post where I'm going to list some things I'm looking most forward to when I get to my goal weight. Feel free to chime in with yours.

  • Wearing sleeveless shirts
  • Shopping- Victoria Secret's here I come!
  • Not worrying about weight limits
There's lots more TTLFT, and I could literally go on for days, but I'm done for now. This post is already way longer than I anticipated. I am so excited/nervous to begin. Please pray to the Shipping Gods for me! It'll be 2-3 weeks before I actually get to start the HCG, and for my first round I'm only doing 23 days since I have a 3 week vacation at the end of July and there's no way I can go through Phase 2 at the beach, Phase 3 will be hard enough! I'm really hoping to start as soon as possible so that maybe I won't be on Phase 3 the entire vacation, but I'll deal with it no matter what. I can do this, and I will do this.