Thursday, July 8, 2010

What do you love about HCG?

You know what I really love about the HCG protocol? It's not the obvious weight loss, or the way it's reshaping my body.... Okay, I love it for those reasons too. But at the moment, a week into P3, that I love how this diet has made me feel about food! I swear, before I started HCG, I thought about food all the time. I planned, I dreamed, I schemed. What was I going to eat next? It was a sick obsession.

It didn't happen right away. The first couple of weeks on P2 I still thought about food- but mostly what I was going to eat on my next loading days. I was worried about P3, if I'd be able to stay away from the carbs and sugars that have so often been my go to foods. But something happened that changed me. I started really seeing the results on the scale. My clothes started fitting better. I haven't lost a lot of weight yet, but I've loss enough to realize that I don't want to ever gain it back.

The hold food had on me is loosening. Oh, I still really want fries and other food baddies, but I don't think about it constantly like I used to. I read a book recently about this woman who lost 200 pounds in two years doing the Weight Watchers diet. In the opening of the book she talked about how every day revolved around what food she wanted to eat- including vacations and family nights. About how she would order so much food from a drive thru that she always ordered a second drink to make it appear as if she were buying for two people instead of just herself. I'm ashamed to admit that I've done that too. I let food become my driving force, my reason some days for just leaving the house.

In a way food became both my prison and my biggest comfort.

My weight loss journey is still in it's baby steps. But I'm no longer willing to put food before myself , my family, or my friends. I want to be able to go out in the world and not feel like everyone's staring at my fat ass. I know it'll take a long time before I feel confident, before I feel like I look "normal". What makes this time different is that I have HCG in my life. It's helping me to be honest about my awful past food habits, and it's reshaping the way I think about what foods I put into my body. I never thought that would happen.

I confess, part of me was scared to go on the protocol. Part of me wasn't ready to give up the foods I so love and loathe. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to stick to the protocol. I have spent most of my life poisoning myself willingly and on some level I have always known that. It wasn't enough to get me to stop. But HCG is enough, and the results I've had so far is enough, and finally my life is worth enough to stop. I can't believe that I care so little about the taste of food when it used to mean so much!

Thank you HCG, thank you Ame, thank you HCG community, thank you Aaron. Thank you God. I feel a real change happening in my life, and I am so very grateful. I know with all of you out there cheering me on I can continue moving forward. And even if your voices quieted, I know that I have enough willpower to carry me to the finish line.